Have you ever met someone who just exudes confidence? You can feel it radiating from the way they stand, the way they talk, the way they look at you, and the way their face glows just a bit more. Have you ever wondered- how do they do it?
Well, the question isn't how do they do it- the question is how can YOU do it. And the answer is pretty simple; mindset and body language.
I’m not gonna keep dimming my light for other people; if I’m shining bright, then b*tch bring your sunglasses.
-Bianca (a genius that I have the honor to know personally)
Since a confident mindset and confident/dominant body language lead to each other, you should start by working on whichever will come easiest to you. Personally, I had a light-switch moment for my mindset which changed everything. One day, last spring, I decided that I was tired of hating myself. I decided it was a waste of time and energy, and that I didn't feel the need to think I was ugly and worthless anymore.
Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.
- Roy T. Bennett
Unfortunately, for most people, it's not this easy. There's a lot of individual pressures from yourself, your family, your friends, and other parts of your environment, not to mention the societal body and beauty standards, which you can read about here (a blog post that I collaboratively wrote :)).
However, changing your mindset is always possible, and it’s a skill that will get you through the worst of life (check out our blog on Finding Life Balance and Purpose). One of the ways to change your mindset is just by telling yourself what you want to hear, whether it’s true or you just want it to be true. This can be done in the form of affirmation meditation. You can check out our Meditation blog for more details, but the basic concept is saying positive things about yourself out loud to manifest them into reality OR recognize their truth.
How to do it:
“It can be done sitting down or standing, and with eyes closed or open, possibly in front of a mirror. The main idea is to compliment yourself- not just your physical appearance, but who you are, and who you aim to be. The key to success is to make yourself believe it. The more you say something, especially out loud, the more you are likely to genuinely believe it- so MAKE yourself understand how amazing you are!! Here are a few ideas, but we challenge you to come up with your own as well- every person is a unique individual with different amazing qualities that makes them amazing people. Find yours!
I am amazing. I am smart. I am kind. I am beautiful- both inside and out. My face looks amazing. My body looks amazing. My body is healthy. My true value doesn't just lie in my physical appearance, my true value is my personality.
Find some more specific and thought-out affirmations here.” (Meditation blog)
There's also an app called "I Am" which provides daily affirmations (in form of notifications or as a home screen widget).
I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.
- Muhammad Ali
This can be done anywhere, anytime. I'm not gonna lie, I tell myself I'm hot, smart, and beautiful all the time. I'll be on the toilet, or about to go to sleep, or looking at myself in the mirror after a shower, and I'll say out loud "you're so hot" or "you're a genius" (I'm really exposing myself here). And yes, maybe it's because I believe it, but also maybe it's this action that helps me believe it.
Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.
- Henry Ford
The other important aspect is body language. you may have heard of the power pose before, and that’s exactly what we’ll be exploring in more detail here.
The Power Pose
Power poses are essentially any way of standing or sitting that puts you in a victorious or dominant position. A study was done (that’s referenced in the Ted Talk linked below) that shows that even just 2 minutes of "power posing" can boost your testosterone (dominance hormone) and lower cortisol (stress hormone- low cortisol means you respond to stress better, which is typically needed in a leadership position). This means that even if this is just something you do in the elevator up to an interview, or standing at your desk right before a zoom call, or in the bathroom right before a big presentation, it can hugely increase your momentary assertiveness and courage, and that will boost your performance. If you do this consistently, such as every morning, it can have a long-lasting positive impact on your feelings of self-worth and confidence.
Here is a Ted Talk about body language and, more specifically, why the power pose works. The video is 20 minutes long, but I STRONGLY recommend watching it, and you can put it at 2x speed to make it only 10 minutes.
These are some examples of high and low power poses that you may find yourself in on a day-to-day basis. Even when you're just sitting in class or at your desk, try to adopt a power pose- sit up straight (I know, it sounds like a lot of work, but trust us), hold your chin up, have both your feet on the ground, and generally have your body in a more "open" pose (rather than a "closed" pose like crossed legs or arms, or hunching).
Extra tips:
- Compliment people!! Not only will you be making someone else's day 10x better, but you'll also feel amazing afterward. Do it as much as possible! I set a goal for myself some days- 5 compliments per day, for example. It's easier than you think :) like watch; I love your smile! :D See? Easy, right?
- Counter your negative thoughts with affirmations. Every time you think something negative about yourself, say the exact opposite thing (a positive thing, obviously) out loud if possible or in your head if in public. Do it immediately, don't wait! Negative self-talk has no place here >:(
- Be open to new things and change! If you get a new opportunity to try something, or meet a new person, or do something fun, take this as a sign to do it. Go with the flow!! You'll learn to trust yourself more and you might come across some amazing opportunities on the way :)
- Wear red! Whether it's a dress, a power suit, lipstick, or a simple shirt, red has been proven to make you seem more confident to others. Read this Forbes article to learn more.
Combining the affirmative meditation and the power pose in the mirror every morning (plus the extra tricks) is like the magical recipe to starting your journey to confidence! What have you got to lose?
If you'd like to print out this info packet, the easiest way is to print this google doc! FYI: It doesn't have all the links and related info that are on the online versions: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kZhr8Bw2-eww9vyO8fb4dt0xAcfq68oQboYkfdk6d6w/edit
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