Men have been making strides in the past few decades to be more open and expressive, but many are still trapped by the patriarchy’s expectations of masculinity. Everybody can benefit from an increase in emotional intelligence; men especially can gain a lot from being more aware of what they're feeling and saying. Even if you don't believe toxic masculinity exists, these expectations are affecting you in one way or another. In order to change these harmful behaviors, we have to learn about them first!
Toxic masculinity is a term that describes specific and definable behaviors. It is dangerous to society and the men who display it, and it has been an issue for decades.
The idea that masculinity can be toxic has surprised and confused many. We hope to clarify some of your questions in this information packet and help you reflect on how it impacts your life and how you can help change it.
What is the difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity?
Though it may seem like a buzzword, the term “toxic masculinity” is actually used to describe specific and definable behaviors.
It’s not about saying that being male is toxic or bad; it's about how men are expected to behave— what they're supposed to look like, how they're supposed to think, and what they should feel like as men. These expectations can lead some people with XY chromosomes toward self-destructive behavior such as violence or abuse of drugs or alcohol because they feel they need these things in order to fit into their ideas of what being masculine means.
Toxic masculinity isn’t just about being masculine. It's also about how society defines what it means to be masculine. The idea of toxic masculinity is that there are certain traits that boys and men are expected to exhibit, such as strength, stoicism, dominance, and sexual prowess. These traits aren't inherently bad — the problem is when these expectations cause people to treat others or themselves poorly because they think they need to stay in line with how society expects men to express these traits.
How does toxic masculinity hurt people?
Toxic masculinity can lead to dangerous situations for the men displaying them and the people around them. When men are encouraged to be aggressive, dominant, and violent, they may feel pressured to act in these ways. This can lead to dangerous or violent behavior that results in isolation from friends and family members. Toxic masculinity has also been linked to depression, (What is Toxic Masculinity and How it Impacts Mental Health) which can cause many of its own problems if left untreated. The pressure that some people feel when trying to adhere to their idea of what it means to be a "real man" can lead them into a downward spiral where they feel their only option is suicide or harming others physically (or both).
Main representations of toxic masculinity:
1. Being harsh or critical of weakness or failure in yourself or others
This is one of the most common signs of toxic masculinity. It’s often referred to as “tough-guy syndrome”.
This kind of behavior includes making jokes about people who aren’t doing well and putting them down for their failures, calling someone weak for showing vulnerability, and using words like “pussy” or “gay” to put other people down. This type of behavior often stems from insecurity in their own masculinity and inability to respectfully express themselves. And instead of making them seem tough, it often just makes them look like a jerk…
2. Not being openly affectionate with close friends.
This can be viewed as a sign of "toxic masculinity" because men are expected to be tough and not show emotion. If you don't show emotion, you won't get hurt. If you don't show emotion, then no one will know your vulnerabilities or be able to take advantage of them—or so the thinking goes. In reality, showing affection for your friends isn't a sign of weakness—it's an opportunity to connect with someone else on an emotional level (something we all need more of!), so allowing yourself to do that and let someone in is actually a sign of strength.
3. Competing with others over everything
Competition can be good. In fact, it’s essential to stay motivated and do your best.
It's important to recognize that competition can be healthy when it's done in an encouraging way. For example, if two people are competing for a promotion at work, that might be a good thing for them both—and for the company as well! The first person might do something great and then encourage his coworker with praise and encouragement (instead of belittling him). This kind of positive rivalry helps everyone become better at their jobs—and encourages teamwork between those who want the best outcome for themselves and those who want it for others too!
However, toxic masculinity can lead to negative competition - a main example of this being "masculinity contest culture" - which results in hostile work environments and undermines efforts to achieve diversity, equity, and inclusion
So let's change it!
Now that we’ve learned what toxic masculinity is and how it’s expressed, we have to reflect on our own lives and use that insight to create positive change.
Think of the way you perceive yourself, the way you interact with others, and the way you judge “weakness”. We all have the ability to change, and that starts with reflection and recognition of what parts of your mindset show toxic masculinity. This doesn't mean beating yourself up or being overly harsh; just try to step back from situations in order to listen more closely to what others are saying about their experiences with toxic masculinity - even if they don't explicitly mention it!
Once you’ve recognized which of your behaviors might be an expression of toxic masculinity, try to change them. Unlearning these expectations and changing your mindset will take a while, but you can change your behavior immediately. Keep these traits that you identified in mind as you go through your days and try to recognize them in action!
Once you recognize the toxic traits/thinking in action, you’ll be better able to change them. Some things you can do to change these are:
Educate yourself and others about what masculinity is.
Learn to be vulnerable. Learning to accept that you are actually vulnerable, leads to emotional awareness, resulting in being more empathic to yourself and others
Intervene with others when you notice behavioral patterns such as sexism, oppression, aggression
Imagine the state of our civilization if the only voices raised in opposition to the inescapable pull of evolution were the loudest, most strident, and most adamant ones. Thought leaders, trailblazers, and other promoters of shifts in human evolution would see their seeds of change wither on the vine of tradition. (Toxic Masculinity - Men's Resource Center )
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